as pretty as David, as robotic and numb as Victoria

Sunday, May 27, 2007


Most of the present celebrities delivered on laughs - Jack Black, singing Kiss From a Rose (for the judges, and Seal's, approval); an amazing Simpsons parody where Simon sings and Lisa mimics Paula's vapidness; Ben Stiller threatening to sing until one hundred billion dollars is raised. Kelly Clarkson proved why she's the most successful American Idol winner yet by expertly belting out a sweet, somber number, and more than one joke was at Sanjaya's expense, not like he minded.

The celebrities who didn't show up, however, failed to impress me. Mostly because they were not there. Uh, producers of Idol, I'm pretty sure you promised me some Gwen Stefani, Pink and Borat. You can't just tell everyone someone will be there and then they don't show up! I say "I wasn't feelin' it, dawg" to false advertising! And no, Madonna via African webcam and a hologram Elvis are hardly substitutes for the ridiculousness that would have been a Borat cameo.

Oh yeah. And no one was kicked off. I was about to smash my "JORDIN SPARKLES" sign through my television set when Ryan told Chris Richardson he was safe, leaving Jordin as the final contestant not cleared through. OH NO HE DI'N'T! But he didn't. Jordin was safe. FOOL ME ONCE, Ryan Seacrest, shame on me. But if I find out Sanjaya just took the week off for a publicity tour and he'll be back to performing next week, SHAME ON YOU. That I cannot forgive.

Did I mention how creepy hologram Elvis singing with Celine Dion was? Girl's aged like seventy years since My Heart Will Go On. Fake Elvis looked hot, though.

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