as pretty as David, as robotic and numb as Victoria

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Hot Pants and Hair More Important Than Talent

Dear America,

I understand, this is a troubling time. We live in a world of war and poverty and emo music. Sometimes, we just need to relax and take our minds off the problems and stress of everyday human existence.

With that said, America, that is no reason to KEEP EFFIN SANJAYA ON AMERICAN IDOL. He's great for a laugh and he's inspired the next twelve haircuts I'm going to get. He is, without a doubt, eleven billion times more entertaining than all of the other constestants combined. But at the end of the day, we have to focus on the real issues: He can't sing, he can't adaquately perform, and the longer he stays on the show, the longer I have to talk about him, and I am running out of insults.

What's even worse, the equally horrible but nowhere near as entertaining Haley was not even in the bottom three. The Linda Blair look-a-like must have scored enough fans with her hot pants (and her hot pants only) on Tuesday's performance to beat out The-Lil-Beyonce-Who-Could Stephanie Edwards. Stephanie was too Fantasia-y to win the competition, but girl deserved a couple more weeks to bring it like she always did.

America, you got some 'splainin to do.