Another Tuesday, another "AmeriYAWN Idol". Last night's show was so predictable I have to invent horrible puns just to keep myself entertained. To recap: Melinda blah blah great Lakisha yadda yadda on pitch Blake wah wah beatboxing prettyboy.
The best performance of the night came not from any of the contestants, but from the little girl in the audience who sobbed throughout the entire show because she was a) overcome with emotion of sitting in the audience of her favorite show b) mortified of Sanjaya's groin-shakin'. A little bit of column A, a little bit of column B... Of course the little girl is still young enough that in time, and with several years of therapy, she probably won't remember any of it.
Speaking of Hairdo McGee, Sanjaya was more like Sanjaya-MAZING last night. No, not because he sang The Kinks' "You Really Got Me" with the same punk-rock attitude of a baby polar bear about to be euthanized. But last night's awkward pelvis-thrusting and faux attitude has made Sanjaya leap from "Unworthy Contestant Who Must Be Eliminated Immediately Before I Stick Forks In My Ear" to "Sideshow Attraction Who Makes Little Girls Weep and Viewers Like Me Laugh Hysterically". Sanjaya must stay on this show forever. I will personally spend my life savings on text messaging rates to keep the most entertaining part of American Idol on the show.