as pretty as David, as robotic and numb as Victoria

Sunday, May 27, 2007

More like personALITY training - hey-oh!

here is a list of unintentionally hilarious things my personal trainer has said to me in the past three months of us working together:

"You know, if you want to cut carbs out of your diet, you should take the rice off when you eat sushi."
(has she ever eaten sushi before? It's pretty much all rice. The foundation is usually all rice.)

Her: "Have you seen any good movies lately?"
Me: "I just saw The Last King of Scotland. It was really, really good."
Her: "Is that that one where the guy won Best Actor?"
Me: "Yeah."
Her: "Yeah, everyone's been talking about it. I probably won't see it, though, I don't like Scotland."

things i didn't say but thought immediately upon hearing this:
a) You don't like Scotland? Why don't you like Scotland? Why wouldn't you like an entire country?
b) You don't like Scotland so much that you would refuse to see a movie with "Scotland" in the title? No matter how critically acclaimed it is?
c) Do you not realize that the movie does not even take place in Scotland, but Ugunda? Have you seen a poster for this movie or a trailer or have even heard about it in the least?

"I'm getting liposuction next month. Get rid of all thsoe problem areas."
(Aren't you a personal trainer??)

Her: "I'm drinking only green tea today. I need to lose ten pounds by Easter. I need to be a rockstar."
Me: "Easter is four days away."
Her: "I know."
Me: "I don't think you're going to be a rockstar in four days, I think you've got some time."

Despite all this, I love her. Even though during our session last night she made me do 200 push ups, which resulted in me crying and thus vomiting when I got home. (Or maybe that was just in response to J-Lo on American Idol.) She's the gift that keeps on giving in regards to comedy material. I've already written a sketch for my sketch class inspired by her. And she's a very sweet, friendly girl.

Did I mention the first time I met her and asked for a phone number in case I had to cancel a session, she handed me her headshot?


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