as pretty as David, as robotic and numb as Victoria

Sunday, May 27, 2007


About last night's show which announced the Top 12 Finalists, and who will be travelling on the American Idol tour once the season's over.

Jersey trash / Disney chipmunk look-a-like Antonella Barba managed to top Yahoo search lists but it seems like all her fans were too busy yanking it to her leaked naughty pics (are you a toilet man or a more traditional blow-job connoisseur?) to vote to keep her in. I actually felt sorry for the poor girl who was forced to sob through her horrible rendition of "Put Your Records On" after getting the boot. But then I remembered that I also auditioned for "American Idol" and I can cough more in tune than Antonella has sung all season. Girl took my spot! Good riddance.

Unfortunately filling up the suck void for the rest of the season is Sanjaya Malakar and Sanjaya Malakar's hair. Boy's hairstyle and huge ever-present grin reminds me too much of that famous Farrah Fawcett poster. Which would ordinarily be a good thing but in this case I'll take Farrah's crazy over Sanjaya's awkward warbling that wouldn't win an elementary school talent show.

You did this to yourself, America. I thought keeping Sanjaya in was just a cry for help, but now I know you're truly suicidal, and I want to get you help. Pick up the phone, vote for beatboxer Blake Lewis, and life will have meaning again, I promise you.

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