IDOL BYE-BYE: David Hernandez

Poor David. Ousted before his time. Granted, I never particularly liked him, and although he was a competent singer, I'd rather put together a delicious chocolate milk beverage than watch his performance because, quite simply, he's boring. Also, I'm over the stripper jokes (and he is too, probably).

No one deserved to go worse than Kristy Lee Cook who turned The Beatles into a jamboree. This little girl gave a better performance than KLC did on Tuesday:

IDOL RECAP: Amanda Amanda Amanda!

Hey guys! So I'm back and ready for American Idol Bloggy McUpdates. I don't even bother until the Final 12 (cause, let's face it, i'm lazy and can only keep this up for 12 weeks instead of a billion). Here we go! (and thanks TMZ for agreeing with me on the above image)

It's Beatles night on Idol, and I'm a fan of The Beatles' music, but I'm not like one of those crazy faaaaaaaaans who compare every song ever not written by The Beatles with songs written by The Beatles. I also thought Across the Universe was semi-awful/semi-good, as opposed to Beatles faaaaaaaans who flat out detested it. But uh-oh, Chipmunk David Archuleta already used his Beatles song with Imagine. He should just sing it again, there ain't no way he can top it.

"Say hello to your brand new set” -- Ryan

Hi new set! Sure, I guess it looks nice, but is anyone really talking about the set the day after the Oscars? Who the eff cares where the good stuff happens? They can sing outside on an apple box for all I care about the set.

Oh god. This is going to be 2 hours long because the first hour is just introducing the set. Though the set probably has a more well put together interview package than Kristy Lee Cook.

sYESsha – singing... a Beatles song? I've never heard this one.

I can't get that get that weird baby sound out of my head. Not a good sign. But the fact I can't recognize this song should be a compliment for Syesy, since I can't compare her to The Beatles. Sounds like an R&B song. Oh, I love this girl. She's damn cute. I'm predicting…. Top 7? She’s the only black girl in the competition as opposed to Black Girl Divathon from Season 3 (Fantasia, LaToya, J-Hud) so she should keep getting votes for awhile.

Chikeze – She's a Woman

TWINNIE ALERT – Forest Whitaker. C'mon, you can so see it.

Used to be an LAX baggage worker/security – Oh my god I want Chikeze checking to see if I packed drugs in my teddy bears.
I was about to say "don't quit your airport day job" but I LOVE this. He’s doing something different, and I can totally see his personality everytime he's on stage. ENOUGH OF THE BLAKE LEWIS SWEATER VESTS though. Dress for the big night that it is! He won me over. And I thought he was gone last week, too! THIS is what gets you votes – DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT even when you’re NOT singing. Prance and dance! Shout WOO a billion times like Jaime Fox!

Raimele – In My Life
Haha she dedicates her performancde for her “close friends who left the show already” awwww she misses her gay bff what's his face, his name is already gone from my memory. Sanjaya you are not, sir! (madam?)
Most importantly, of course, is her dress style is getting a LOT better with that cute giant white belt. She’s got the crowd waving! That couldn't possibly be the work of the producers, could it?!
I kind of love this version too. What’s happening to me?? Why doesn’t anyone suck???
How much you wanna bet someone mentions her height??
THOUGHT: Miss Saigon movie musical much? She could SO be Kim. Don't lie to yourself. You know she could.
Very subtle performance… it was sweet. Controlled.

Oh god Paula and her backwards compliments. “you look pretty tonight.” Kiss of death. Aaaaand they don't like it. Simon tears her a new one. She makes a puppy dog face. That might get you out of taking the trash out at home, sweetie, but not here.

Jason Castro – If I Fell

Why is he even on this show? He should be in your local coffeehouse. Oh. Well I guess that’s why. I sorta meant that as a compliment.

He knows he can’t hit those notes, but he plays it endearing. I kind of wish he’d do something fast. That’s not really him though, is it?

“Student in a bedroom at midnight” – Simon. Simon always tells it like it is, even when I like the singer. I guess this stage demands something bigger than acoustic guitar.

Ryan and simon are playfighting… I’m lost.

Carly – Come Together

She’s only been in the country 3 years!!! She’s not even a citizen. I CALL SHENANIGANS! her hair looks ten times better, but I still don’t want my American Idol to have a non-American accent. Call me nationalistic and racist, but seriously, I don't. I'd rather a Kellie Pickler-sounding girl win than someone who represents another nation.
Okay. Its kind of awesome. She’s “in it”. Stop trying to convert me, bitch!
The crowd fucking loves her. I’m still not obsessed. Maybe I like them underdogs.

I think Simon has a winking problem. We kind of don’t do that in America.

DAVID MY BELOVED COOK singing my FAVORITE BEATLES SONG. Elenor Rigby. It’s fate.

TWINNIE ALERT: Emo Jimmy Fallon
He bartended? I bartended! MARRY ME.
Without exaggerating, the chorus gave me chills. Holy god. I WANT HIS SEX.
Simon thinks he could win if it remains a talent competition. I stand by my love of this man. No other critique necessary. So much love.

Brooke White – Let it Be
TWINNIE ALERT: Cate Blanchett?

Playing piano. Is it gonna be boring? I like seeing talented musicians, though. I’m not thrilled but she’s probably a better performer with her own songs. Underwhelming.


We’re halfway through the show. I bet you right now Kristy Lee Cook is leaving next week and she hasn't even performed yet.


David Hernandez – saw her standing there
TWINNIE ALERT: Aladdin with a shirt on?

Pizza parlor? Are you kidding me? WE ALL KNOW. JUST ADMIT IT.
I'm sorry, I went to go make chocolate milk while david was singing. That’s how much I care about him. Boring.

“corny verging on desperate” – simon. As delicious as my chocolate milk.

WHY ARE THERE BREAKS IN BETWEEN EVERY SINGER?!? ANNOYING!


Amanda Overmyer - You Can't Do That (what?)

TWINNE ALERT: Joy from Earl (voice wise) and Beetlejuice. Don't say her name three times!!!

Enough of the black and white skunk look already. But, she's perfect. She wins the Fantasia award for Most Distinct Voice in the competition. She STANDS OUT! And I love her. I'm predicting.... at least Top 5.

Michael Johns - Across the Universe
He's been in America for ten years… hmm. Okay, that's longer than "the irish girl" (as Simon said, forgetting Carly's name) but you’re not an American. BOO! And I love me some Australians!
You don't sing this song unless you can effing BRING IT. And I kind of hate the arrangement. This has been covered so many times. How can you make it new? Answer: you don’t. well, he don’t.

Kristy Lee Cook - Country 8 Days a week?
HAHAHA
I LOVE IT
HOEDOWN!
They said COUNTRY not REDNECK!

“I didn’t enjoy it.” – paula. THANK YOU! You get a gold star for not warbling tonight!

David Archuleta - we can work it out

They gave David Archuleta the pimp slot AGAIN. Why bother having a TV show?

HE FORGOT THE LYRICS!!! GOLDEN BOY FORGOT THE LYRICS!
He finally showed his age, huh? And that licking lips thing really is getting on my nerves.
No wonder he sang ballad after ballad. He looks weird when he shimmies to a fast song.

All in all, I pretty good night. Here's how I'm rating everyone for the night:

1. David Cook 2. Chikeze, 3. Carly 4. Amanda 5. Jason Castro 6. Ramielle 7. Syesha 8. Brooke White 9. Michael Johns 10. David Hernandez 11. David Archuleta 12. Kristy Lee Cook

That ranking is crazy. What's Chikeze doing up there and David doing down there?? More importantly, who's even reading this? Are you?

More Like Marilyn Mon-HOE

Marilyn Monroe is a tragic classic Hollywood figure, and she's also a fucking icon. You, Lindsay Lohan, are no icon.



You are an It Girl. In fifty years, no one will have paintings of YOU hanging in their art galleries or on the walls of their mansion. No teenage girl is going to have a print of one of those photographs hanging in her bedroom, lip synching in their brush to "Rumors". I would even say Britney has a better shot of infamy than you ever will. So stop fucking thinking you're here to stay. You aren't. I bet your liver won't last another year, give or take.

Also, Lindsay has become a true-to-form Butterface. No wonder she draped a sheet over her head. Her body's the only thing left she's got going for her, since her looks, her talent and her health have gone MIA. Furthermore... New York magazine? Seriously? She couldn't expose herself in, say, Vanity Fair or W or Vogue, something a little bit more high-end fashion? Girl may as well have done a Playboy spread. You know that's coming one more rehab vacay away.

I don't even want this Long Island Lolita's bits tainting my beautiful blog, so I'll provide the link for you to see the rest of the pics, but you'll have to provide your own lube.


get the eff off your high horse, bitch

The Pian-oh no

ANNA PAQUIN!?



What in the holy fuck happened to you? Why do you look like Fergie probably did when she was on meth? Is this what happens when you win an Oscar at age 12? It’s all downhill from there? Remind me to thank my mom every single day for never giving into my demands of sending me on auditions when I was eight. I'm not famous or rich but I don't look like a prostitute from 17th century Londontown.

Why I Love Australia, Part 60

Reasons Why Australia Is Awesome, as Exemplified in This News Clip:



1. The way they add an "r" sound at the end of words like "Nooo'r". CUTESVILLE!

2. Here in America, we have too much going on, like deaths of celebrities and Paris going to jail and an election coming up. We don't have time for giant house parties, but in Australia, it gets its own segment, even though nobody died and nothing tragic happened, just a kid whose gonna be grounded for the rest of his life.

3. FAMOUS SUNGLASSES. Now they're famous. Introducing Best Halloween Costume of 2008, Corey Worthington.

An Inconvienent Truth: David Beckham is Hot

i'm hot, and now so's the earth

Apparently not everyone loooooves David Beckham the way every gossip magazine out there wants you to love him and his poshtastic brood. According to Soccer America Daily (Ed note--bwah??), David Beckham is the biggest threat to the environment... EVER. They blame his fleet of 15 cars, including Hummers, and all his travelling for work and leisure-- in 2007, Beckham flew “farther in 2007 than a trip from the earth to the moon” on all his appearances around the world.

With all his money he should be using it at least to reduce his own footprint. He has more freedom of choice when it comes to methods of traveling. He could also choose greener cars."

Look, first you tell us spinach is poisoning us, sunshine gives you cancer and now Pretty Boy McHandsome is ruining the earth?? WILL YOU LET US HAVE SOMETHING? PLEASE??


what global warming? I'm quite chilly, quite

Not Joking

I am almost deeply ashamed of how involved I am with celebrities' lives. But what do you really expect? I am emotionally involved in the lives of characters on TV shows and in books I read. (Yes, that was me sobbing at the last five minutes of Six Feet Under.) How can you not get wrapped up in the ups and downs of people you read about everyday? Whose faces and stories you're thrust upon everytime you sign online?

Heath Ledger died yesterday, and I'm extremely upset. The kind of upset where I don't even know how to put it into words, nonetheless silly blog-speak. He's an Aussie, from Perth, Australia, the locale of a pilot I wrote. I always thought in the back of my mind, I bet when I have enough connections to get this produced, Heath would be interested in exec-producing... it's extremely jarring to think, nope, that's not happening, ever, because he's dead. He was a brilliant actor who I had a deep respect for, at least career-wise, as I knew very little about his personal life. Which, really, is/was a good thing. It's not often I can say how little I know about a famous actor apart from his work (Daniel Day Lewis comes to mind). I almost prefer it that way, so as not to be biased when I see them perform.

But apparently Heath had troubles, many drug-related, and he was found dead yesterday afternoon at 3:30pm in his manhattan apartment... the last time he was seen alive was noon that day. He was surrounded by pills. Jesus Christ. This is upsetting to summarize.

I really do see myself as an Aussie in spirit. Heath felt like one of my own, like how horrible I felt when Steve Irwin died, but within a community of the rest of Australia. That country is so, so proud of their people when they go abroad and make names for themselves, they give the ex-pats a pat on the back for good luck. When something joyous (like oscar noms) or tragic (like this) happens, they feel it extra strong, and that's a beautiful characteristic to hold. The US is so large and wild, I don't think we carry the same comraderie with our own people.

Not to mention, if you hadn't realized already from my previous blog posts, how head-over-heels excited I was to see Heath as The Joker in The Dark Knight. His performance in the trailer gave me chills. What a role to go out on.

What else can I say? Nothing. I can't provide any personal stories since I did not know him in real life. It just shows how much effect you can have on people you don't even know, have never met, probably will never meet. And not just with celebrities or people of "note". I put myself out there by writing in this blog, having a job I go to everyday, walking down the street - who knows who might be truly getting something out of what I think I'm doing here on earth.

I just sincerely hope there is no chance of drug overdoses happening in my future, or my friends or family's future. Take care of yourselves, guys.

Back to the sarcastic posts later.

P.S. I bought that "Why So Serious" Dark Knight poster. It'll be framed as a tribute to you in my living room, Heath. It's the thought of the memorial that counts.

Quote of the Day: Donut Edition

"Well, it may be dry, but it still tastes better than not eating a donut."

--me, at our morning meeting, choosing the dryest donut in the box (still too delicious to be healthy)