as pretty as David, as robotic and numb as Victoria

Friday, July 6, 2007

Diet Cherry Cokehead

I post to you everyday from a pretty decent-to-awesome job. I get a paycheck (that I can afford groceries and rent with [okay, as well as the semi-frequent Beverly Hills haircut-and-dye spa day]) every two weeks for making fun of celebrities, praising the good stuff in entertainment I like, and occassionally acting as the on-location producer for movie premieres and fashion shows we do press for. I have comfortable work hours and my coworkers are friendly and hospitable with any intoxicants they may have on hand. I even have my own cubicle! My very own private me-space, the equivilent of a fort made out of couch cusions for the working professional! My dream since the day I realized I had to work for a living (which, coincidentally, is the day I died inside).

Perhaps the sweetest perk of this job is the $.25 Diet Cherry Coke in the coke machine in our breakroom. Options beyond regular, boring, ho-hum calorie-free soda, and only for two dimes and a nickel??? (Precious quarters are always saved for laundry day, of course.)

But today, as my energy levels dropped, and the dress I'm wearing to my friend's wedding in August kept poking me in my tub, away from caramel mochaccinos, I needed a caffeine boost. And I needed it cheap. And as close as possible.


for those who think cherry

This I cannot put up with. I am quitting.* I AM WORKING IN SQUALOR!

*Bex is not really quitting. Diet Dr. Pepper is a poor substitute for Diet Cherry Coke, but eating out of a trashcan and kidnapping my hairstylist requires more effort than sitting at my desk in my cubicle all day. Priorities, people.

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