It's Britney, Blog: Episode 2

Britney's a busy girl, what with her busy schedule of running over people's feet, drinking herself into a frappuccino coma, and not giving a fuck anymore. But she's still found time to make a video blog! It took her the same amount of time as it did to record her new album.*

*'bout fifteen minutes



Got any suggestions on what Brit-Brit should teach the world next? Write it in the comments!

It's Britney, Blog

The first of many. I have to work on my Britney-speak. I think I came off more like Joy from My Name is Earl. Anyway, got any suggestions for future episodes? Leave it in the comments!

Britney's Tragedy Saves World From Adequately Remembering Actual Real-Life Tragedy

Today is the anniversary of 9/11, and since I'm a (proud, albeit Los Angelfied) New Yorker, I feel the need to acknowledge it here. However, I am also an entertainer and the last thing I want to do is make everybody cry. That's Britney's job. I like making people laugh. So in the spirit of patriotism and satire, I give you this:

SPRINGFIELD, MO—Were this an ordinary Tuesday night, Wendy Vance would return home from her receptionist job at a Springfield chiropractor's office and spend the evening engaged in any number of empty, meaningless diversions: watching old, taped episodes of Friends, browsing the new issue of Cosmopolitan, or driving to Center Square Mall to browse for shoes.

Tonight, however, the 29-year-old is unable to bring herself to turn on the TV or even half-heartedly flip through the new Pottery Barn catalog. Instead, she has decided to visit her grandmother in nearby Mountain Grove.

"If none of this had happened, right now I'd probably be watching that stupid Journey VH1 Behind The Music episode for the 40,000th time. Or talking to my friend Kerri about the Gap skirt I want," said Vance, holding her grandmother's frail, time-worn hand. "Now, all I can think about is how precious life is, and how important it is to spend quality time with the people who matter to you, because everything could change in an instant."

Added Vance: "I just want my regular life back."

Vance is not alone. Shaken by the tragic events of Sept. 11, people across the nation have abandoned such inconsequential concerns as the Gary Condit scandal and Britney Spears' skimpy outfit at the 2001 MTV Video Music Awards. No longer are they talking about shark attacks or what's-his-name, that Little Leaguer who was too old to play. Instead, they're focusing on the truly important things in life: friends, family, and being good to one another.

Read the rest of the article here at The Onion.

Today I heard conversations about and read more about Britney Spears' performance at the VMA's on Sunday than of 9/11. Looks like it's safe to care about stupid bullshit again!

There Are No Words (Only Videos)

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Ed. Note - I miss you, So Much Potential Britney... so much.

My Mom Has a Mug with My Face On It From When I Was Eight, Does That Count?

As if there weren't enough people talking about Paris Hilton (myself included in this sad mob), and as if Paris doesn't talk about herself enough, she has now gone the extra step of wearing herself:


stars are blind, and now so are you!

Thank god she went the extra mile. For one precious, beautiful, heavenly second I almost forgot Paris Hilton existed. All I needed was the gentle push of a ridiculous photo op.

Who am I even kidding? I'm voluntarily discussing her on my blog. Thank you for holding up the bar of lunacy, Paris. What on earth would I constantly complain about if not for you and your legion of wenches?


double, double, Hyde and trouble