Britney's Tragedy Saves World From Adequately Remembering Actual Real-Life Tragedy

Today is the anniversary of 9/11, and since I'm a (proud, albeit Los Angelfied) New Yorker, I feel the need to acknowledge it here. However, I am also an entertainer and the last thing I want to do is make everybody cry. That's Britney's job. I like making people laugh. So in the spirit of patriotism and satire, I give you this:

SPRINGFIELD, MO—Were this an ordinary Tuesday night, Wendy Vance would return home from her receptionist job at a Springfield chiropractor's office and spend the evening engaged in any number of empty, meaningless diversions: watching old, taped episodes of Friends, browsing the new issue of Cosmopolitan, or driving to Center Square Mall to browse for shoes.

Tonight, however, the 29-year-old is unable to bring herself to turn on the TV or even half-heartedly flip through the new Pottery Barn catalog. Instead, she has decided to visit her grandmother in nearby Mountain Grove.

"If none of this had happened, right now I'd probably be watching that stupid Journey VH1 Behind The Music episode for the 40,000th time. Or talking to my friend Kerri about the Gap skirt I want," said Vance, holding her grandmother's frail, time-worn hand. "Now, all I can think about is how precious life is, and how important it is to spend quality time with the people who matter to you, because everything could change in an instant."

Added Vance: "I just want my regular life back."

Vance is not alone. Shaken by the tragic events of Sept. 11, people across the nation have abandoned such inconsequential concerns as the Gary Condit scandal and Britney Spears' skimpy outfit at the 2001 MTV Video Music Awards. No longer are they talking about shark attacks or what's-his-name, that Little Leaguer who was too old to play. Instead, they're focusing on the truly important things in life: friends, family, and being good to one another.

Read the rest of the article here at The Onion.

Today I heard conversations about and read more about Britney Spears' performance at the VMA's on Sunday than of 9/11. Looks like it's safe to care about stupid bullshit again!

I Am Here

Good ole New York. I grew up on Long Island which is just an hour train ride away, but because I had (and still have) the most overprotected mother this side of a woman who is still pregnant and doesn't let her fetus go out with its friends unless it calls every hour on the hour and definitely won't let ride the subway at night, I never got to explore much of Manhattan. This past week, though, I've been making up for it by frequenting The Village, the East Village, Alphabet City, Union Square, Chelsea, Central Park, Times Square, Hell's Kitchen, walking around all day and eating in absolutely no chain restaurants or bars. It's delightful. This is definitely the vacation I needed.

More updates to come. Thanks for being patient and humoring me that I actually have people who read this site. Aww. Don't worry, I'll be back to my vapid, superficial celebrity ramblings soon enough.