Finding Emo: Tickle Me Emo

I'm a huge fan of Mad TV, and for a few years (current cast and digital shorts not included) I'd rather go to sleep at 11:30pm on a Saturday night than be forced to watch Saturday Night Live. Mad TV may not be as iconic a television institution, and it might be taped beforehand, but it was consistently funny starring extremely gifted comedic actors. So who cares, as long as it's entertaining?

I don't really watch TV on Saturday nights anymore (I'm too busy sleeping -- what can I say, I'm an old woman at 24) but I'm glad to see that Mad TV is still makin' the funny.



Oh emo jokes! Will I ever tire of you?!

Please make sure to check out my good friend Dance's (yes, that's her amazingly real name) new tongue-in-cheek (or as I like to say, tongue-ring-in-chic) emo blog, Heart-Shaped Bot. Because there's nothing more emo than the only robot who can feel pain. Sentience is so unfair.

More Adorable Than Knut's GAP Ad

I seriously love these two so much I want, to quote Punch Drunk Love, "smash their face in with a sledgehammer."


LOVE US! LAUGH AT US! WE ARE YOUR COMEDY GODS!

I have a huge crush on GOB... I mean Will Arnett... aw, who am I kiddin', GOB steals my heart. And my yaught. He will always be mi hermano ("hermano" means "lover", right?)

I hope to be Amy Poehler one day. I mean, not be her, because that involves throwing her down a well and demanding she put lotion in the basket and then wearing her skin and actually "being" her. I think Lorne Michaels would notice. And Will Arnett.

I saw Amy perform at the UCB-LA theatre, and she's just as funny in person. Oddly enough, she is shown actual-size on my TV set, because she's the itty-bittiest woman I've ever seen. Plus, she was wearing a wedding BLING that sparkled up the entire stage, and I was sitting in the last row in the back. Mah gaw, Will, that ring must be made of a whole lot of Arrested Development money! (Sadly, I don't think he could purchase a cheeseburger combo with any of the profits from Let's Go To Prison.)

So if there are any magicians out there reading this while on a segway... I'll be here. Wearing Amy Poehler's skin as a mask.

I Swear I Had Nothing To Do With This

i feel so goooood right now, i love you

This is just about the funniest thing I've ever read:

SYDNEY, Australia (AP) -- Customs officers discovered nearly 10.5 ounces of ecstasy tablets hidden inside a Mr. Potato Head toy sent to Australia from Ireland, the agency said Thursday.

Upon opening the parcel, the officers were greeted with the smiling face of the popular children's toy, which features a potato-like head and removable facial features. But when they removed a panel from the back of the toy, the officers found 10.34 ounces of ecstasy in a plastic bag.

The Australian Customs Service referred the matter to federal police, but no arrests were immediately made, the agency said. The maximum penalty for importing drugs to Australia is life imprisonment.

Wow, whatever Irish kid it was who sent this to his mates in Australia must have been on drugs while shipping this package. They'll never think to look inside a children's toy that was probably designed by someone who took lots of drugs! Those people at customs are smarter than you think! (Then again, I had an assortment of "unmentionables" shipped to me from overseas without any hassle. Why are you looking at me like that? I'm obviously just talking about Tim-Tams.)



Look at all those pills! It's like how I spent last weekend, but inside the head of a cartoon potato man. What a waste. Think of all the massages and relationships based on a false sense of adoration that will never happen because no one will be ingesting those babies. Pity.

Why Hasn't She Gotten Done Already?

Is Bud Lite too classy for you? Are you in the mood for something a little less hoity-toity than Coors? Do you live in a van down by the river and shoot tin cans for pleasure? Than Git-R-Done beer is the alcoholic drink for YOU!

Git-R-Done beer, named for the comedian's famous catchphrase, was launched Saturday by SchillingBridge Winery & MicroBrewery, from the small town where the 44-year-old actor-comedian grew up.

The owners of the small family winery say the light beer is made from high-quality ingredients with more "flavor and body" than popular corporate beers.

Mike Schilling, who runs the winery with his wife, Sharon, is confident Git-R-Done beer will appeal to the comedian's fan base.

"Rednecks love quality, too," he said.

If rednecks love quality, than why is Larry the Cable Guy still doing stand-up on television? PARADOX! I'm sure this beer will do well, though - particularly if its sold at the 99 cent store...

You Had Me at Flight of the Conchords

I'm in a lovey mood today. Small puppies and electro music usually puts me in a good mood. Here's another example that love exists, in the form of two geeks from New Zealand who have captured my heart and tickled my funny bone (which is located not too far from the g-spot):



I'm seeing them tomorrow night at the El Rey in Los Angeles. Do you know tickets for this show are selling for about $200 on Ebay? And yet I still refuse to sell my ticket I paid $30 for? Now that's love.

Blog or Death

This would be hilarious... if it didn't actually scare the living shit out of me if it were to really happen.


Breaking News: All Online Data Lost After Internet Crash

Smells on a Plane

And you thought it was just the food, the waiting, the security checking, the uncomfortable, cramped seats, the horrible movies, the crying babies, the coughing sick people, the threat of crashing and/or terrorism and the inevitable delays that were the bad part of flying:

(P.S. Whoever wrote this deserves their own blog. And probably has one.)

Seat 29E

See more like this on kontraband.com

OH YEAAAAAH!

Kool-Aid is awesome because, not only is it a delicious drink, you could dye your hair with it. After a long day dying my hair bright red, I always like to relax with a cool, refreshing glass of Tropical Kool-Aid!



Purple Stuff auditioned as Kool-Aid Man, but they didn't think he was quite right for the role. He then got drunk, drove recklessly over to Sunny D's condo, and bitterly killed him.

BABIES EVERYWHERE

Sometimes my own snarky comments don't add anything to something that is already hilarious to begin with. For example:



This commercial is a joke, but every guy I work with drink an elixir called "Five Hour Energy Drink" which has 4000% your B-12 intake for the day, and about seven hearty tablespoons of meth. The above ad makes me giggle (TO THE EXTREME!) but it does remind me of the best commercial in recent years:

You're Getting Sleepy... Sleepy...

Did you watch the whole thing? I bet you did.

Now I Know How Those Cavemen Feel (does that mean I get my own sitcom?)

Even a woman or child could easily identify a "good" or "bad" fuse... if they weren't too busy baking cookies or getting Daddy's slippers.