Nicole Richie Eats Peanut; World Thinks She's Pregnant

Don't look at me! I'm not responsible for Good Morning Revival!

I for one hope she's not. No one should be brought into a world where they are forced to listen to Good Charlotte's music.


blarg.

In other ridiculous celeb-baby news: Hey, look guys! Christina Aguilera is obviously pregnant.



What? You don't see it? Of course you don't see it! Her hands are in front of her stomach, masking her pregnancy! IT'S GENIUS!

But she simply can't hold her hands in front of her forever. Soon enough she'll put her arms down at her sides and her portruding belly will just POP out for the world to see! Wait for it, wait for it... NOW!



Uh huh... see how GIANT she is? How MASSIVE her stomach is? And how about this one of Katie Holmes, whose also rumored (ha! like any of this isn't absolute fact) to be pregnant:



Get it?? Okay, ignore the fact that she's a fucking stick. She's wearing a Black One Piece Swimsuit. With a BELT. Need I say more?

All I have to say is, if that's what being pregnant makes you look like, that I need to get knocked up with quintuplets, cause I want a fucking body like that.

Female Empowerment vs. Sucking It In on the Scale

My Thoughts About This Magazine Cover On the Outside:

You go, girl! Don't conform to society's interpretation of what "beauty" is! You're beautiful how god made you! Have a second serving of pie! That's what food's for! To be eaten and digested, not just ordered and looked at! Take it all off! You can still be bigger and be a successful rockstar!

My Thoughts About this Magazine Cover on the Inside:



Exactly. Who the fuck is Beth Ditto anyway?

This is why we have Rolling Stone in America and nobody's heard of NME. Also, I need to go to a Weight Watchers meeting and Guitar Center, in that order.