Snakes! Why Did it Have to Be Sn--- Ow, My Back, Calista, Get My Slippers, I Need a Nap

I love me some Indiana Jones. (Last Crusade is obviously the best movie in the trilogy. Disagree with me? Then start your own blog with your own opinions [or in this case, fact].) How could someone not love Indiana Jones? And I'm not talking about the movies. I'm just talking about this:


I'm here for the bachelorette party

Sweat! Scars! Weapons! A sensitive look on his face! If I had been anywhere near puberty when the Indiana Jones movies first came into theatres, I would have came into theatres.

On the flip side, what I don't love is this:


Indiana Jones and the Early Bird Special

Oh, Harrison Ford. You're still looking good for your age (roughly one billion years old) but the dusty fedora is like me trying to fit into my prom dress. And my prom was just six years ago. The last time you wore that hat with any relevance, it was 1989, almost twenty years ago. Hayden Pannetierre wasn't even born yet.


Tell me a story, Uncie Indy!

Using the age of teenage Hollywood starlets to gauge just how really old you are really puts things in perspective, you know?

(P.S. is it wrong that I want to name my (eventually, I assume) son Indiana? His nickname could be Indy, and how hipster-cute is that? I totes would have crushed majorly on a guy named Indy, had I ever met a guy named Indy. But is that really a cool boy's name to have as your own, or a curse to always be associated with a movie character? I suppose it depends on how this fourth Indy film turns out. In any respect, it's a better name than Shia.)

You Got Daft Punk'd!

So this video is circulating the web, and because I am half web (my mom's jewish, my dad is Internet Explorer) it is my civic duty to embed it as well:


how a deaf person communicates at a rave

But honestly, I am only allowing it on my blog because a) hands are awesome (as is my understanding of Edward Scissorhands) and b) I love me some Daft Punk. This song has a heavy rotation on my iPod, particularly on the treadmill. I'm glad to see it have a surge in interest today.

But in more timely news, I was watching this yesterday:



I wasn't on drugs, but I was tired, so it was almost the same lazy-eyed, sleepy-brained experience. I'm not really a fan of this kind of animation that seems exclusive to any and all animated feature coming out of Japan (years of Disney conditioning during childhood?) but I think with a blacklight and a more powerful stereo system, I would have definitely raved about it!


Bex sure does love her drug puns!

Anyway, here's the trailer to Daft Punk's lastest film, Electroma. It's probably not at a theatre near you, unless you live near the one cinema in France that they're showing it at one day a week at midnight.



long walks in the desert

+


experimental space movie that's pretty boring without drugs but features cool imagery and white rooms

+


midnight

x


robot LSD

=

Electroma

Not So Good Luck Chuck

Remember this awesome poster?


Best places for a beej - bathroom stalls, under the table at a fancy restaurant, and movie posters

Well, it has a non-awesome brother.



Okay, I won't lie. I find Dane Cook attractive. Maybe this is because I have yet to see him do stand-up comedy - live, on TV, on a DVD, in a movie, on SNL - I've never actually seen him do anything related to comedy. (Then how come I know he exists and that he's famous at all? Oh, the conundrums of living in a civilization with pop-culture.)

But regardless, Dane Cook with tight abs on a movie poster = good.

And Jessica Alba, more than usual, looks-wise = good.

Horrible photoshopping + recreating an iconic John Lennon/Yoko Ono Rolling Stone cover for your movie that remains ambivilent about what it's even really about = not so good.

But seriously! Are they floating on a cloud? Is that supposed to be a giant California King sized bed with white satin sheets? Are they making snow angels? I'm so horribly confused it's almost a distraction from Jessica Alba's crazy head that looks misplaced.

New Zealand is So Hot Right Now

Good things to come out of New Zealand:

*my ex-boyfriend

*Peter Jackson (Heavenly Creatures for me, Lord of the Rings trilogy for the rest of humanity)

*Flight of the Conchords

*party pills (nope, they don't sell to the US anymore, don't even try)

*me, alive, after falling out of a plane:



*this kiwi chocolate i bought at the Auckland airport that was deeeelicious

*anything EXCEPT the zorb - i spent $50 to roll down a hill for ten seconds and get dizzy


and THIS MOVIE:



Then again, I did have multiples from said ex-boyfriend. Then again, who said I won't have an orgasm watching this?

Season Finales: Eating Onion Rings is the New Multiple Deaths

In honor of The Sopranos finale last night (which I am appreciating more the longer I think about it... which has been all freaking day long [good work toying with my emotions and productivity today, David Chase, you motherfucker]) here is the best finale of all time of the best show of all time, Six Feet Under. Time and time again, I always say, genuinely, without any hyperbole, if I could have brought the world of film and art one product, one piece of work, I wish I had given it Six Feet Under. It's that good.

Also, this finale made me openly sob, weep, that my roommate had to come in my room to make sure I was okay. You try composing yourself when people you've hung out with and cared about for six years DIE IN FRONT OF YOU. To a pretty woman's voice. During a Hybrid ad.

You Can Add "Tony Eats Onion Rings; Cuts to Black Abrputly" To This Poster

Other Endings Not Ruined (But I'm Going to Ruin Them Anyway):

*she winds up with the guy from Alabama

*look behind the poster

*the boat sinks

*turns out people who blog on the internet aren't really interested in your movie, no matter how hilarious its title or how many times "motherfucker" is uttered

*they're gay; society has a problem with it

good luck chuck

i don't know anything about this movie. i assume it's a comedy. a dark comedy? a high-concept sex romp? i have no idea. apparently dane cook is in it. but it's just become my favorite movie poster of all time. see if you can notice why: